5 Emotions Keeping You Stuck in Porn - Anger
Man, we always think anger is the problem.
It’s not.
The real problem is what you do with it.
Anger is just a signal. Like sadness, like fear, it’s your body telling you something’s not right. But when you don’t know what to do with that signal, it either burns everything down—or buries deep and waits to blow up later.
Porn becomes the protest.
It’s the unspoken “screw this, screw you, screw that” moment. It’s how a lot of men take back power when they feel powerless. I’ve sat with so many guys who were doing great in recovery—weeks or even months clean—and then boom: relapse. Not because they were horny. Not because they were even craving porn. But because someone pissed them off. And instead of processing that anger, they used porn as a passive-aggressive middle finger to someone they were mad at. Usually a spouse. Sometimes God. Sometimes just life.
Anger is not sin
That’s the first thing we have to say. Anger is not sin.
“Be angry and do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26)
You can feel it and still be aligned with truth. That’s what Jesus did. He didn’t fly off the handle in a rage. He flipped tables in the temple—but after sitting down and making a whip. That wasn’t a tantrum. That was controlled, calculated, and holy.
His anger was about justice. About misuse. About the integrity of God’s house.
Yours can be too.
So what is anger?
Anger is a protective response to a violation, a threat, or injustice. Something feels off. Something feels wrong. You feel disrespected, ignored, powerless. And instead of naming it, most guys just push it down or explode in the wrong direction.
We’re not taught to steward our anger. We’re taught to suppress it. Especially in church. And when anger gets suppressed long enough, it turns into bitterness or depression.
Unexpressed anger in the body turns into depression.
Suppressed voice + suppressed choice = powerlessness.
That’s where porn re-enters the chat. Because when you don’t believe you have a voice, and you don’t believe you can make a choice that matters, porn is a way to reclaim something. It’s fake power—but it feels good in the moment.
Anger lives in the body
When I ask men where they feel anger, 99% of the time they say chest.
They say it feels like heat. Like pressure. Like tension.
Some of that energy needs to move. That’s not a spiritual issue—it’s a nervous system issue. It’s physical. You can’t just pray it away. You need a safe space to release that energy: punch a couch cushion, breathe deep, clench and unclench your fists. Get that charge out of your body so you can show up more grounded.
Anger is energy. And that energy can either fuel destruction—or fuel change.
Rage is not the same as anger
Rage is what happens when anger has nowhere to go.
It shows up as irritability, sarcasm, shutting down, overreacting, over-controlling. It’s reaction, not reflection.
Anger says: Something important to me is being violated.
Rage says: I’m going to hurt someone else so I don’t have to feel hurt anymore.
What’s underneath?
For me, it used to be road rage. But the trigger wasn’t just bad drivers. It was the deeper belief that I don’t matter. That if someone cuts me off, what they’re really saying is, “You don’t exist. You don’t deserve safety. Your kids don’t matter.”
Now that is where the anger lives.
You probably have your own version of that. And you have a right to be angry about it.
What you don’t have a right to do is destroy yourself or others with it.
Childhood, suppression, and spiritual bypassing
A lot of us grew up in homes where anger wasn’t allowed. If you got angry, you got punished. If you raised your voice, you got shut down. And then we wonder why, as adults, we either rage in private or go completely numb.
Some of us cope by:
Exploding: yelling, slamming, manipulating
Imploding: silence, passive-aggression, sarcasm
Medicating: porn, alcohol, rage-scrolling, overworking
Spiritual bypassing: quoting Bible verses to avoid the hard stuff
(“All things work together for good…” ← yeah, true. But also a great way to gaslight your own emotions if you’re not careful.)
Regain your voice. Regain your choice.
Find people you can be angry with—not at. People who can contain it, attune to it, and remind you you’re not too much. Because when anger is seen and heard, it transforms into clarity. Into boundaries. Into movement.
The goal is not to avoid anger. The goal is to steward it.
🔥 Try This
Reflect:
Where in your life do you feel disrespected, violated, or out of control?
What is your anger trying to protect?
What boundary is being crossed?
Practice:
Beat up a couch cushion (seriously).
Breathe: 10 deep exhales. Clench and unclench your fists.
Don’t wait until you’re triggered. Practice now, not in the middle of the meltdown.
Say this out loud:
“I’m allowed to feel angry. I want to learn what it’s pointing to.”
Pray this:
“God, thank You for giving me my anger to protect what matters. Teach me to steward it, not suppress it. Show me where I need to set a boundary or speak the truth in love.”
You’re not too much. You’re not unsafe. And you’re definitely not broken for feeling angry.
You’re just overdue for learning how to let it lead you toward truth.
If you haven’t yet, go back and check out the Triggers Guide—the journaling prompts in there will walk you deeper into this work. And if you need help along the way, hit me up.
See you next time.