5 Emotions Keeping You Stuck in Porn - Sadness
If you’re stuck in a porn habit you hate but can’t seem to stop, there’s a good chance you’re not just dealing with lust.
You’re dealing with sadness—and you don’t even know it.
Most men don’t. I sure didn’t.
When I was deep in my addiction, I didn’t know how to name anything that I was feeling. I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t address it. So, I stayed numb and on autopilot. But underneath all the numbing and pretending? I was sad. I just didn’t have the tools or the language to see it for what it was.
That’s why I created the Five Emotional Triggers That Keep Men Stuck in Porn guide—a simple, no-BS resource to help men start paying attention to the emotional engine under their behavior. You can download it for free at rscky.com, or grab it straight from my Instagram profile.
This post is part of a 5-part podcast series where I walk through each of the five triggers in the guide: Sadness, Fear, Anger, Shame, and Loneliness—not from a self-help lens, but through a gospel-integrated approach to emotional health, spiritual maturity, and actual transformation.
Let’s start with sadness.
Sadness: Not Weakness but Honesty
Sadness is often mislabeled. We call it stress, burnout, disconnection, or just say we’re “tired.” But real sadness—grief, loss, longing—isn’t weakness. It’s honesty. And it’s trying to tell you something important.
When you ignore it, suppress it, or numb it with porn, productivity, or detachment, you don’t actually escape it—you just bury it deeper.
So, what is sadness, really?
It’s a physiological indicator of a relational need. It’s your body’s way of saying, “I lost something that mattered to me, and I need comfort and to be seen.”
You might feel that sadness as:
A heavy chest
Low energy
A tight throat
A sense of emptiness
A dull ache in your gut
Where Does Sadness Live in Your Body?
Pause right now. Slow your breathing. Scan your body from head to toe.
Where do you feel sadness?
It might feel like a knot in your stomach. A weight in your chest. Drooping shoulders. A clenched jaw. Don’t rush this. This is how you start reconnecting to yourself.
Now ask: “What am I grieving that I haven’t let myself feel?”
If you’ve used porn to numb out for years, you’ve probably never asked that question. But it matters—because every time you ignore sadness, you miss the invitation it offers.
What Sadness Is Really Pointing To
Sadness points to loss—and the relational needs that loss exposes. For many men, that’s:
Safety: Am I allowed to feel sad without someone trying to fix or silence me?
Significance: Do I matter to someone enough for them to stay with me in it?
For me, sadness often hits in my gut or chest. It shows up as heaviness. But when I can slow down and stay with it, I begin to understand what I’m actually needing—and invite God (and people) to meet me there.
Jesus Felt Sadness, Too
One of the most powerful stories in the Gospels is this: Jesus wept.
He didn’t suppress grief. He didn’t minimize pain. In John 11, after Lazarus dies, Jesus is angry, deeply troubled, and overcome with emotion.
And He weeps.
Not because He didn’t have faith. Not because He lacked trust in the Father. But because He loved deeply. And when you love deeply, loss hurts.
Jesus shows us that sadness is not sin. It’s human. It’s holy. And it’s something we are meant to bring into relationship—not hide from God, not hide from others, and not hide from ourselves.
What Porn Has Cost You
If you’re stuck in a cycle of porn use, sadness is already part of your story.
You’ve lost something. Maybe it’s:
Time
Trust
Passion
Intimacy
Peace
Your voice
Yourself
Maybe porn robbed you of ten years, like it did me. Maybe you’ve lost connection in your marriage or disqualified yourself from the spiritual community you once loved.
That grief matters.
And if you’re not naming it, it’s probably driving you back to porn.
How We Cope (And Why It’s Not Working)
Most men handle sadness one of three ways:
Avoid it – Stay busy. Numb out. Pretend everything’s fine.
Overreact – Go into hyperdrive to prove you’re okay.
Medicate it – Porn, substances, scrolling, bingeing.
But all of that keeps you stuck. Because sadness is not something to solve. It’s something to sit with.
Practice This: Don’t Escape—Engage
Here’s a simple practice from the guide:
Say out loud:
“I’m sad because ____.”
Then pray:
“God, help me receive your comfort instead of escaping this.”
Then take it one step further—share it with someone you trust.
You were wounded in relationship. You’ll heal in relationship too.
Next Steps
Sadness doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It means you’re alive. It means you care. And it’s trying to tell you what you need.
If you’re ready to stop running from your emotions and start reclaiming your agency from porn—this is where it starts.
👉 Download the free Triggers Guide now HERE
🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode on sadness wherever you get your podcasts
Want help putting this into practice? DM me on Instagram @mikekamber or shoot me a message through the site.
We’re just getting started. Next up: Anger.
Let’s do this.