5 Emotions Keeping You Stuck in Porn - Fear
Most of us don’t walk around saying we’re afraid.
We say we’re stressed. Tired. Overthinking. We hide it behind busyness, burnout, or bravado. But the truth is, what we’re often experiencing is fear. And until we start calling it what it is, we’ll stay stuck—especially if you’re trying to break free from something like pornography addiction.
In this post, we’re diving deep into fear—what it looks like, how it shows up in your body, and why facing it on purpose might be the most courageous thing you can do.
This is based on Episode 3 of the Restoration Soul Care podcast and our free guide, “Five Emotions That Keep You Stuck in Pornography.”
What Is Fear, Really?
Fear is not weakness. It’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do—signal danger. Physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual danger.
Sometimes it’s accurate. Sometimes it’s exaggerated. But it’s never meaningless.
Fear is a God-given emotion meant to draw you into connection and trust—not into isolation, panic, or control.
Here’s how fear often shows up:
• Overthinking: mental loops, playing out scenarios, trying to control the outcome
• Indecision: procrastinating, “waiting for clarity” that never comes
• Control: micromanaging every detail to feel safe
• Avoidance: ignoring having hard conversations or pretending you’re fine
• Tension in the body: tight chest, clenched jaw, shallow breathing, bouncing knee, gut pain
What fear is actually saying is this:
“I don’t feel safe. I don’t know what’s coming. I can’t trust anyone to help me.”
Fear and Relational Needs
All feelings serve a purpose—and fear shows up to reveal unmet needs. According to the Restoration Soul Care model, those core relational needs are:
• Safety
• Significance
• Affirmation
• Competence
• Control
When those needs feel threatened, fear kicks in. And when we don’t attend to it, fear just runs wild, driving anxiety, stress, addiction, and disconnection.
You don’t have to be ruled by this fear. But you do have to feel it, name it, and get honest about what it’s trying to tell you.
What Chip Dodd Says About Fear
In The Voice of the Heart, Chip Dodd writes that fear is the feeling that allows us to experience:
• Hope – the ability to imagine something better
• Wisdom – the integration of emotion and logic
• Risk – the courage to move forward despite potential harm
“All trust involves risk. And risk requires us to be vulnerable.”
That’s what fear is pointing toward: the opportunity to trust more deeply, to need help, and to invite relationship.
Jesus Felt Fear—And He Didn’t Hide It
Look at Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.
He wasn’t calm. He wasn’t composed. He was terrified.
He was sweating blood. He was begging God for another way out. He wasn’t performing; He was human.
“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me…”
(Luke 22:42)
But He didn’t run. He brought His fear into intimacy with the Father—and moved forward anyway. That’s what courage looks like: not the absence of fear, but fear in relationship. Fear submitted.
The 5 Fear Triggers Most Men Face
Fear doesn’t just show up in trauma or emergencies. It’s woven into the daily grind of being a man, a husband, a father, a follower of Jesus.
Here are 5 common triggers I see over and over again:
1. Money
Fear sounds like:
“What if I can’t provide?”
“What if I lose it all?”
“What if I fail my family?”
This fear can fuel workaholism, addiction, or compromise. It’s real—and it needs to be named.
2. Relationships
“What if she finds out who I really am?”
“What if I get rejected?”
“What if I open up and they walk away?”
Porn often becomes a place to hide from that vulnerability. Healing starts with naming the fear and staying present with it.
3. Parenting
“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“What if I screw up my kids?”
“What if they turn out like me?”
Fear-driven parenting either gets too controlling—or too disengaged. But honest fear gives you the chance to show up intentionally.
4. Leadership
“I’m supposed to have answers.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“What if I’m found out?” - Imposter syndrome
Leadership without emotional awareness turns into ego, burnout, or imposter syndrome. You’ve got to learn how fear feels in your body so you don’t dump it on the people you lead.
5. Surrender
“If I stop trying to control everything, will God actually come through?”
This one cuts deep. Many of us perform for God, hoping He won’t punish us. But the gospel isn’t about fear-based obedience. It’s about trust-based surrender.
How We Cope with Fear (And Why It Doesn’t Work)
When we don’t know how to face fear, we default to survival:
• Control – rigid schedules, micromanaging, overplanning
• Avoidance – ghosting, procrastinating, staying “busy”
• Numbing – porn, alcohol, scrolling, Netflix, overworking
• Spiritualizing – quoting verses to bypass the emotion instead of feeling it
These strategies don’t make the fear go away. They just bury it until it erupts as anxiety, addiction, or emotional distance.
A Better Way: Sit. Name. Respond.
Here’s a simple practice to help you face fear instead of running from it.
Step 1 – Sit
Give yourself 5 minutes. Be still. Breathe deeply. Notice what’s happening in your body.
Step 2 – Name
Ask yourself:
1. What fear is running quietly in the background right now?
2. What outcome am I trying to control?
3. What would trust look like in this specific area?
Say it out loud or write it down:
“I’m afraid of ____. But I am not alone. I am not powerless. I choose to trust—even in uncertainty.”
Step 3 – Respond
Pray this:
“Father, I don’t want to keep pretending I’m not afraid. I don’t want to keep running or numbing out. Teach me to walk with courage—not because I’m strong, but because I trust You more than I trust my fear.”
Final Thoughts
Fear is not your enemy. It’s your invitation.
It tells you what you need.
It points to where trust is required.
It leads you toward deeper connection—with God and with others.
You don’t have to be fearless. You just have to be afraid on purpose—with courage.
So the next time fear shows up? Don’t stuff it. Don’t shame it. Stay with it.
Feel it. Name it. Bring it into relationship.
And let it lead you to trust.
Want to keep going deeper?
📥 Download the free guide: Five Emotions That Keep You Stuck in Pornography
🎧 Listen to the podcast: Restoration Soul Care Podcast