Why Olympic Glory Couldn't Silence His Guilt (And What Christian Men Can Learn)
What Guilt Really Is (And Why It Feels So Heavy)
Guilt is an emotion — but it's also more than just a feeling. At its core, guilt is the awareness that we've done something against our own value system. For those of faith, it's the recognition that we've acted against God's design.
Psychologically, guilt often shows up in the body as:
A heaviness in the chest
A bowed or slumped posture
Low-grade anxiety and restlessness
An overwhelming sense of I need to fix this right now
Even King David described this experience in Psalm 32, writing about guilt as a burden that weighs him down until it's nearly unbearable. The classic Christian allegory Pilgrim's Progress portrays this perfectly — the main character, Christian, carries an enormous burden on his back that represents unresolved guilt throughout the early part of his journey.
That image resonates because it's true to life. Unresolved guilt weighs us down.
Guilt vs. Shame: Understanding the Difference
Before going further, it's worth distinguishing between guilt and shame — because they're related but not the same thing.
Guilt says: I did something wrong.
Shame says: I am something wrong.
Guilt is about your actions. Shame is about your identity. Both can become deeply entangled when you're stuck in a cycle of compulsive behavior, but understanding the distinction matters for how you move toward healing.
The Two Dangerous Ditches (And Why They Don't Work)
When guilt builds up, we tend to fall into one of two traps — what emotional health researchers sometimes call "impairments" of the emotion.
Ditch #1: Toxic Shame
Toxic shame is what happens when we turn guilt inward and try to punish ourselves into resolution. It looks like:
Relentlessly beating yourself up over what you've done
Cutting yourself off from relationships because you feel too broken
Believing you are beyond forgiveness
Thinking that if you feel bad enough, maybe you can make up for what you did
The problem? There is no end to that road. The more you sit in toxic shame, the more it becomes your identity — and the more it cuts you off from the very thing you need most: connection.
Ditch #2: Shamelessness
On the other side of the spectrum is shamelessness — dismissing the guilt entirely. This sounds like:
"Everyone has their own values, so this isn't really wrong."
"It's not hurting anyone."
"I just need to move on."
Our culture pushes hard toward this response, especially with pornography. But the problem with bypassing guilt is that your conscience keeps speaking — because deep down, you know that what you're doing is working against your design and the people in your life.
Both ditches have one thing in common: they miss the actual solution.
The "Clearing Your Conscience" Trap
Here's a real-world example that illustrates a common mistake. At the 2026 Winter Olympics, a Norwegian biathlon athlete who won a bronze medal did something unexpected during his post-race interview. Instead of celebrating, he publicly confessed to an affair he had in a past relationship — live, on national television.
His words were telling: "I just want to clear my conscience."
While the courage and honesty behind that moment are admirable, there's also a cautionary lesson here. Reactive confession — dumping your guilt on someone else in an unplanned, emotionally driven moment — often does more damage than it resolves:
It can be unconsciously self-centered, focused more on relieving your own pain than on the other person's wellbeing.
It can be manipulative, putting pressure on the other person to respond in a way that helps you feel better.
For the person receiving the confession, it can cause deep pain, betrayal, and even trauma.
This is a pattern we see often in coaching: people who have been carrying overwhelming guilt suddenly "dump" their entire struggle — affairs, pornography use, years of secrets — onto a spouse or partner with no preparation and no support in place.
Reactive confession is not the same as healthy accountability. The motivation matters, and so does the context.
Why Guilt Feels Urgent — And What That Urgency Is Telling You
That restless, anxious feeling that builds around unresolved guilt isn't meaningless. Emotions function like signals — they're pointing you toward something that needs to be done. Guilt, specifically, is pointing you toward connection.
The question is: connection with whom?
When we try to resolve guilt on our own — through self-punishment, through frantic religious activity, through a reactive confession we think will "fix it" — we're trying to reach the destination by ourselves. It rarely works.
The Biblical Framework: Guilt as Debt
One of the most clarifying ways to understand guilt comes from how Jesus described it — as a debt.
In the Lord's Prayer, Jesus doesn't say "forgive us our sins" — he says "forgive us our debts." In the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21), guilt is illustrated as a debt that was forgiven, but that the servant refused to extend to others.
This framing is helpful because it's honest: guilt isn't just a bad feeling to be managed. It represents something real — a violation of our design, a rebellion against our Creator. And a debt requires payment.
The good news of the gospel is that you don't have to pay it.
Jesus took the full weight of our guilt — past, present, and future — to the cross. As one author put it, God's judgment toward our sin was completely exhausted on Jesus at the cross. That means the debt has been paid in full.
This is what makes the invitation in Matthew 11:28 so powerful: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
You can't atone for your own guilt. But you don't have to. That's the whole point.
A Practical Path Forward: What To Actually Do with Your Guilt
So what does this look like practically? Here are some concrete steps.
1. Start at the Cross
Before you talk to your spouse, your accountability partner, or anyone else — bring your burden to Jesus first. This isn't a religious platitude; it's the right order of operations. The forgiveness you need most comes from your Creator, and receiving that first gives you the freedom and groundedness to then address human relationships.
Ask yourself honestly: Am I picking this burden back up because I don't actually trust that Jesus has taken it?
2. Receive Grace — Repeatedly
If you've confessed before and then struggled again, that cycle doesn't disqualify you from forgiveness. Keep running back to Jesus. The grace of the gospel is for the person who keeps falling as much as for the person who falls once. Receive that complete, righteous forgiveness before trying to figure out your next steps.
3. Don't Go It Alone
Processing what restitution or reconciliation looks like is not something to do by yourself. Work through it in community — a safe support group, a trusted pastor, a certified coach, or a counselor who understands the dynamics involved.
4. If a Spouse Is Involved, Get Support First
If your struggle involves pornography or an affair that affects a spouse or partner, please don't attempt what's called a "staggered disclosure" — revealing information piece by piece on your own timeline — without professional guidance. Bringing in a coach or counselor before or during that conversation protects your partner and significantly reduces the damage that unguided confession can cause.
You Don't Have to Keep Carrying This
Whether you've been wrestling with pornography for years, recently stumbled, or are exhausted from trying to manage guilt on your own — there is a way out. Not a way to feel better about what you've done, but a way to actually be free from it.
The burden can be lifted. It was designed to be lifted.
If you'd like to process this further in community or speak confidentially with a recovery coach, visit rscy.com to connect with resources, a peer community, or direct coaching from Michael and Nick.
Michael Kamber is a relationship and recovery coach. Nick Buda is a mental health and relationship coach. Together they host the Restoration Soulcare Podcast, which supports men and women navigating shame, addiction, and relational pain.
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